i've been feeling like shit today. ever since i got home i've just. wanted to die. thought about all the things i'd miss out on if i did, and how i didn't really care that i'd miss them. today was filled with regret. today was not a good day. today i should have not woken up. i should have just waited to wake up until tomorrow. tomorrow will be better. tomorrow has to be better. if tomorrow isn't any better then what am i even living for? i don't have what it takes to get into Zurich. i'll never be the person i've dreamed of being for years. she will never get to live because i am inadequate. because i will never ever be enough for her to live. i'm not enough and i never will be. i don't even know why i'm writing here. i know its pointless. i know nobody cares. i know nobody has ever or will ever actually read this. and even if someone did they wouldn't care. they'd just think i'm fucked up and beyond saving and they'd be right. nobody can or ever will reach into save me from myself.-rox