Have you ever shot yourself in the foot, and taken months to realise what you've done? I certainly have. I usually don't hold myself to have any regrets, but my biggest one keeps making its own way into my dreams. For context, a few months ago I accidentally pushed my absolute best friend out of my life, when I was feeling my absolute worst. Entirely my fault, entirely avoidable. I deserved it, yes. But now that is teaching me regret in the long term. I miss her, you know? And the worst part is I know first hand she doesn't even fucking care about it. I tried to reach back out to her and she told me she never wanted to talk to me again, and that she hadn't even thought about me in months. I didn't even get my chance to apologise like I wanted. She just spat in my face and said she wanted to be normal, and apparently normal doesnt include me at any point. I'm fucking tired of everyone hating me. I don't even get a chance to speak because I'm violently, physically shaking out of pure nervousness, and she just tells me to fuck off and never even try again. I tried to make things right for once, and all I got was insulted. Maybe I didn't need you back in my life, but now I you're telling me to never think about you again? Do you even KNOW how difficult that is? When you invade my fucking dreams? It makes me sad when I dream that you never fucking left me, and I have to wake up and face the fucking reality that you, just like every other fucking person I have ever fucking cared for, left me behind. Fuck you. The one time I try to correct a wrong I've committed, and you spit in my face and tell me I'm not included in your perception of "Normal."-MARIG0LD